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    Xxenos (original)

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    OnomichiSaruokami
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    Xxenos (original)

    Post by OnomichiSaruokami on Mon Jul 26, 2010 9:45 pm

    ( Still in progress and I need to arrange some things)

    I walked outside where it was snowing. It rarely snows around here but I shouldn't worry about things like that. If I don't hurry up, I might miss the new Xxenos guardians. As I was walking, I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the freezing water. Somehow it seemed different. I don't remember having black hair and eyes. I reached out to touch the water then suddenly my reflection giggled.

    Reflection:"It's a pleasure to meet you too, Oban." Oban:"Huh?" I looked around. Seems it wasn't someone behind me talking. Strange. I disregarded it and looked at my reflection again.Reflection:"What's wrong? You look surprised." My reflection talked again!Oban:" Um...yeah. How do you...know my name?" Reflection:" That's because I am you, silly. We've been together ever since birth. Don't you recognize yourself?" I paused.Oban: " Right. If you're me, then guess my brothers's name."

    Reflection:"Axule and Eon." Oban: "Wha?! W-What's my favorite color?!" Reflection:"Blue, but looking at your outfit, hair, and eyes it's pretty obvious." Oban:" Hey! Let me think of a new one....Hmm, what am I thinking right now?" My reflection stared at me. Reflection: " Aren't you going to be late to that meeting you were walking to?" I jumped up.Oban: " Oh! That's right!I forgot all about that! I gotta hurry!" I started running and while I was doing so I turned around the corner and bumped into Lezarus, my dad's very close friend. I hit the floor but he didn't move a inch. Talk about an iron wall.

    Helping me up he asked me. Lezarus: " Are you alright?" Oban:" Y-yeah. I'm fine. I'm sorry, I was in such a hurry I didn't see you, Mr.Lezarus." Lezarus:" It's quite alright. No harm done. Might I ask why you were in such a hurry?" Oban:" Well, I wanted to make it to that gathering the new guardians are having now with my brothers. But I don't think I'll make it. Oh yeah! Aren't you going to be the leader? Must be great being a leader of a very strong divison." Lezarus gave me this straight look and patted my head. Lezarus:" I see. Then I'll escort you." Oban:"Huh?"

    Before I knew it, Lezarus transported me to the meeting room in one second. Oban:"Whao! I gotta learn that one day." Familiar voices from behind me called my name. Axule and Eon:" Oban, you're here!" Eon:" Just in time too." Axule:" What took ya?" It was Axule and Eon. My two younger brothers. Oban:" Heh, sorry. I kinda overslept." Eon:"Jeez, Oban. You are turning into Axule everyday." "You say that like it's a bad thing, Eon!" Axule argued.

    To break it down, my name is Oban, the oldest and born with Light and Darkness. The second born was Axule, born with immunity of darkness, he has pale skin and has the appearance of a vampire in his eyes but he's nothing like that. The youngest, Eon, was born with pure Light. So naturally his hair was a different color than everyone else's. Completely white. And we live on Xxenos, a world ruled by our race called Viruses. Our Parents are the King and Queen so we're like royalty.

    Me and my brothers sat down as we watched the guardians come in. Axule:" So these are the chosen guardians, huh? I expected them to be a bit...different." Eon:" Mom said not to judge people by appearances, Axule. They may be stronger than you think. I mean, Dad wouldn't of picked them if they weren't." I whispered to Axule. Oban:" And/Or stronger than you." Axule:" Hah! Stronger than me?! There's no way. Everyone knows I'm the best." Oban:"Yeah, you keep telling yourself that."

    Axule talked on about how strong he was so I ignored him. I'm tired of hearing the same story everyday. I noticed from the corner of my eye that someone else has come in. He walked in and stared at me for a minute while I glared at him as well. Who...is he? He's not like us. He's different. I became suspicious and kept staring at him. Axule:" ..ban?.........Hello? Oban?" Oban:"Huh? What?" Axule:"You zoned out for a second there. What's the matter?" Oban:"....Nothing." Axule turned to look at the guy I was looking at at. Axule:" Do you have a crush on him or somethin'?"

    Oban:"Ehh?!! The hell you talking about?!" Axule:" Well you were staring at him every since he came in." Oban:" It's not like that, idiot. It's just...don't you find something strange about him?" Axule:" Mmm, nope." Sigh, why do I even try? Axule is too dumb to figure anything out. (To be Continued..)


    Last edited by OnomichiSaruokami on Tue Jul 27, 2010 8:57 am; edited 1 time in total
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    Yoko-chan
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    Re: Xxenos (original)

    Post by Yoko-chan on Tue Jul 27, 2010 1:14 am

    Uwa!!! This is so cool! First things first: i love the title! When you choose to give your work a name as a title, it's bound to get people interested. That was defiently my case. Congratulations on choosing this title!
    Then, the story seems really interesting. I was a bit confused at first, but i got to understand everything bit by bit the more i read. You have a great talent to write stories and i was able to imagine every scene of it. That's really an awesome thing!
    You dosed the dialogue and the descriptive parts just right. Not too much of either of them. Your narration simply flows beautifully.
    I have one suggestion: try writing the dialogues in new paragraphs. It's a lot easier for readers like this.
    Anywayz, congratulations!!! And hope to see the next chapter as soon as possible!! Very Happy
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    OnomichiSaruokami
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    Re: Xxenos (original)

    Post by OnomichiSaruokami on Tue Jul 27, 2010 8:49 pm

    Thank you very much :3
    I've got the whole plot down so far but this is 4 years before Xxenos actually takes place. I want to make this story have alot of twist. Sort of like a complex manga.

    Genre: Action/ Adventure/ Comedy/ Fantasy
    And Oban plays a very, very huge part in this manga. I'll try and put the rest up tommorrow if I can. And plz, I ask everyone not to steal any of my ideas because I'm writing my whole entire story on here.
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    Iru
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    Re: Xxenos (original)

    Post by Iru on Tue Aug 03, 2010 9:13 pm

    (thumb up)
    I really, really liked how you managed to put things togethers. It sorts of gives a feeling of headquarters, I don't know how to explain it well... (sigh)
    I really liked the Light/Darkness born of concept but I'm a little bit puzzled, when you said in here
    The second born was Axule, born with immunity of darkness, he has pale skin and has the appearance of a vampire in his eyes but he's nothing like that. The youngest, Eon, was born with pure Light. So naturally his hair was a different color than everyone else's. Completely white.
    Well, if Axule, the second born, has the immunity of darkness or has immunity of(to?) darkness. If you mean the second, won't we be born of pure light if he has immunity to darkness (just like Eon)? Would he have immunity to darkness because he's born of darkness then? Sorry for asking these questions, if you could please enlight me (smile)

    I also liked the reflection scene, I have thought myself a long time about things like that but never came with an idea to articulate it all in a way that I pleased. But, am thinking of posting something about it on here, because I kinda actually come up with a whole concept that I like. Meanwhile I've done a bit of a romance story alike while I was bored, maybe I'll give it a shot too.
    Oh, twists are always entertaining (smile). Am glad you are thinking about a complex story. Please keep us updated, looking forward to the next chapter.

    P.S: I give the same advise of Yoko-chan.
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    OnomichiSaruokami
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    Re: Xxenos (original)

    Post by OnomichiSaruokami on Sat Aug 07, 2010 11:09 am

    My dad, Xxenos' almighty king, has finally arrived. Oban: " There's dad. Late as usual." Axule: " Like father like son." I punched him again. Axule: " Oww! He hit me!" The guardians lined all up and bowed. They all said, " Your Majesty." King: " No need to be so formal. Lighten up. This isn't boot camp." He pulled out his wrist watch. King: " This must be....the guardians meet-up. Sorry I'm late everyone. I've been running a tight schedule all day. Okay, let's get this over with." He then took out a piece of paper. King: " It is a great honor to have you here today at the guardian's first official meeting. As a reminder for taking on this responsibilty, you must protect the kingdom and our fellow people from any harm. You have higher authority than anyone else and must use your powers for justice only. Sounds easy enough? The leader of this group will be no other than Lezarus, who have served this kingdom with great promise." The king looked around but Lezarus doesn't seem to be here. King: " Oh, uh. Lezarus isn't here at the moment. Moving on-"

    I whispered to Axule and Eon. Oban: " I saw Lezarus not so long ago." Eon: " Really? Where'd he go, Oban?" Oban: " I have no idea." Axule: " He probably had to go to the bathroom."

    King: " Second-in-Command will be Ellow. Ellow can you please step up here and claim your prize." Ellow: " Of course, Your Majesty." The King put his hand on her head and she started glowing. Ellow: " Huh? So, like, what's with the tacky light show? Am I supposed to feel something?" The King laughed. King: " Indeed. I revealed your hidden power." Ellow summoned her weapon, a huge hammer. Ellow: Oh, totally cool! Thanks lots, Your Majesty. And uh, like, I promise to use it for justice like you said." Dad went through the list pretty fast, revealing just about all of their powers.The guardians in order: Lezarus, Ellow, Nexxus, Gate, Nail, Arro, Ai, and Ren. King: " Ugh, I'm getting tired already. Last one, Tohru."

    I sat up. Axule: " It's the blonde dude you thought was suspicious." Tohru walked over to the king. King: " That's strange. You already possess powers of your own. Where do you say your from again?" Tohru smirked and said nothing. King: " Hold that thought! Look at the time, I'm gonna be late to my other meeting! This meeting is ajoined. You may leave."

    Everyone started leaving. Axule: " Aw, that's it?" Eon: " Dad's really busy today." Axule: " I expected this thing to be longer. Oh well. I was getting hungry anyway. Let's go eat." Eon: " Oban, are you coming?" Oban: " You two go ahead without me. I'm not so hungry right now." Axule: " If you say so. Come on, Eon!" Eon: " Okay!" As I watched them run off, I felt a presence behind me. Then an arm wrapped around to my shoulder. Tohru: " Must be nice living in a carefree world, eh kid?" I jumped. Oban: " Whaa?! I-It's you!" Tohru: " Yo, it's you too." Oban: " Don't touch me. I don't trust you." I walked off. But yet, Tohru still followed. Tohru: " Wow. That makes me feel loved. What's the deal, kiddo? We've only just met. Or is it that you don't trust people at first sight?" Oban: " Don't call me a kid. That's not my name." Tohru: " Excuse me, Mr.Uptight. Last time I checked, you are a kid." I sighed. Oban: " What do you want from me?" I turned around and he wasn't there. Oban:" Huh?....He disappeared." I turned back around and Tohru was there. Oban: " Ahh! Don't scare me like that!" Tohru smirked. Tohru: " Nothing at all. What? I can't have a casual conversation whenever I like? You were staring at me ever since I came around."

    I went to sit down and said nothing. Tohru: " Fine, I'll leave. But I'll tell you this. Your end will Lead to a New Beginning." I turned around. Oban: " What?" Tohru: " You'll find out soon enough. Think of it as a future reference. See ya, kid." And just like that he disappeared. Oban: " But what does he mean my end will lead to a new beginning? I don't get it. Is that some kinda riddle?" (To be continued)
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    Re: Xxenos (original)

    Post by OnomichiSaruokami on Sun Aug 08, 2010 12:49 pm

    Suddenly I heard a noise behind me, but it wasn't footsteps. I jumped out of my seat fast and then parts of my seat were flying. As I thought, its an attack! It was a monster I have never seen before in my life. Quite menacing looking. I summoned my weapons, the dual guns. This is my first time using them, if I'm lucky, I might be able to beat it. I aimed my guns at it. Then the monster leaped for me and whacked me against the wall. It's super fast. Okay, maybe I won't be able to beat it. I aimed one of my guns at it again but it swiped it away. I'm in real trouble! I can't beat something that's faster than me! The monster was going to deliver a fatal blow to my head. I dodged and ran after my other gun while pointing the one in my right hand and shot it. Surprisingly, all it took was one shot to bring the monster down.

    Oban: " T-That took alot of me. Phew, I thought I was gonna die. Just what the hell was that thing?" Ellow, one of the guardians, was watching this whole time on the balcony and didn't do anything to help. Ellow: " Dammit. This kid is so annoying. Well, he like barely survived against one youkai. Hmmm, I got it! Let's see him try to survive against more than one youkai!" She giggled.

    Meanwhile, I met up with Eon and Axule in our treehouse just outside Xxenos' Kingdom walls. Eon: " Axule, Big brother's here!" Axule and Eon leaned out the wooden windows and waved. Axule and Eon: " Big brother!" I waved back. Oban: " Hey." I climbed up meeting them half way at the bridge. Eon: " Hey, big brother!" Axule: " Whao. What happened to you to you?" I haven't noticed how dirty my clothes look from the fight. Oban: " Heh. Don't worry about it." Axule: " Anyway, we have news to tell you!" Oban: " Oh yeah? What is it?" Eon: " Mom was wondering where you were so we told her you went off doing your own thing again." Axule: " Yeah and Mom said that we're going on field trips to different worlds with the guardians! Isn't that cool?!" Oban: " Seriously?" Eon: " Mhm. She didn't want us cooped up in the castle being bored plus she wants this to be a learning experience." Axule: " Pfft, more like adventure!" Oban: " When are we going?" Eon: " Starting tommorrow. To tell the truth, I'm a little scared. What if there's monsters?" Axule: " Don't be such a baby, Eon! The guardians will protect us!"

    The Next Day. Ren and Eon: " Aaahh!!! Kill it, Kill it!!!" I shot it with my gun and Axule threw a darkness orb at the huge cockroach monster. (Ren, the 8th member of the Xxenos' guardians) Ren: " Oh thank goodness! It's gone." Axule and I gave Ren a death stare. Oban and Axule: "....Pathetic." Ren: " Whaa?! Y-You got it all wrong." Axule and I whispered to each other. Axule: "Isn't this guy supposed to be a powerful and fearless guardian?" Oban: " Maybe dad felt sorry for him and let him in." Axule: " So much for a safe trip." Ren: "I can hear you, you know? I am a powerful and fearless guardian!" I kicked a bug on the dirt to him and he freaked out as I expected. Ren: "W-Well, you see, that is. Hehehe, I'm scared of (gulp) insects. But trust me, I really am powerful! You haven't seen me fight yet. Ehem. Let's get going. Don't want to waste daylight, shall we? Our missions that-a-way!"

    Oban: "So what's your mission again?" Ren: "Oh? Uh, I'm supposed to eliminate targets called youkai that's been recently terrorizing this village. It's like a whole new monster that came out of thin air. Honesty, I haven't heard of this kind of monster before." He whispered to hisself. Ren: "I hope it isn't insect related." Oban: "Hey, that sounds like...!" I paused. Ren: "Huh?" Oban: "Nothing. Nevermind." That sounds like the same monster that attacked me the other day. So there's more than one, I assume. (To be continued)
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    Yoko-chan
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    Re: Xxenos (original)

    Post by Yoko-chan on Thu Aug 12, 2010 1:13 am

    Wow!!! The story is so thrilling and interesting and now the plot thickens! I wanna know more about Tohru. He sounds like a veeery interesting guy. I think i kinda like Ren as well. He has something... Not to mention i like that name. Very Happy
    Great job! Keep it coming!!
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    Re: Xxenos (original)

    Post by Iru on Thu Aug 12, 2010 8:34 am

    How stupid, I forgot to read the rest of this thread, no wonder I am always asking things, I'm awfully sorry for causing trouble.
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    Re: Xxenos (original)

    Post by Iru on Thu Aug 12, 2010 8:42 am

    Ah, now that I have the rest all makes perfect sense. Hum, mysterious Tohru...

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